church mouse

as a lapsed catholic, lent doesn't really mean a damn thing to me. sure, i'll give stuff up but only as a test to myself to see if i can do it. one year it was oreos. that was harder than i thought seeing as oreos were my food of the moment.
when i try pop i usually always fail.
but that's something that i have to live with.

this year... i did something out of character. i found a church and went to an ash wednesday mass after work. i did this for a few reasons.
1- i got to leave work 30 minutes early.
2- it seemed like everyone was going to church, too. never one to miss a trend, i went too.
3- i felt like going to church might save me. during a wicked spell of seasonal depression, i needed some cleansing. and in a very minor way i felt like i needed to say a prayer for the world.
the layoffs, people losing homes, businesses closing, outsourcing... it took its toll on me.

i found the oldest church in lansing and it was crowded. mostly the afterwork crowd. it made me feel good. i have to admit, i was a little nervous walking into a church after not going in a year and i sin. a lot. i smoke. drink. curse. and have my share of premarital bliss.
the place is still standing and lightening did not strike.
after all ash wednesday is about repent right? being absolved of your sins as you embark on 40 days of near primative life. that's how i look at it.
the priest talked about giving things up. the simple stuff like coffee (pass), renting movies (a definite pass), shopping (ok, maybe i can do this one.)

and really, i think i can do it this year. i have given up a number of things that i think will better my life -- at least for the next 40 days.
the list of give-ups:
1- celebrity gossip sites. because really... who the fuck cares? there are bigger things going in this world for me to be concerned with.
2- pepsi. god help me. a pepsi a day keeps the demons away.
3- shopping for myself. when the going gets tough, i like to treat myself. which has been a lot considering i have been so grumpy lately. groceries and daily necessities make the cut.

so far so good. and i'm feeling better about myself.