you've already pushed me away and we'll never meet

"dear heather, why haven't you written? why haven't you bothered to contact me? i would really love to meet you and get to know you, but i can't do that if you don't respond to my messages."

if you guessed dating match... ding ding ding! i decided to be a little superficial (say it with me... i'm effing paying for this, i can be a douchebag, too) and nix all of the matches with:
1- a hawaiian shirt in one-to-all pictures
2- a lip-to-tounge smooch with the token dog to show that not only is he desperate for pussy but thinks he'll get one step closer to your pretty little things by showing how much he loves animals
3- rayban sunglasses
4- one-to-all pictures taken with one hand emulating the "serious" look

IT Confused had all but the dog pic. fine... i guess i can go with this one... and the q&a process began.
click.
click. yes.
yes, i prefer a movie to a comedy club.
no, i have never been whitewater rafting.
yes.
yes, i like to be lazy on my days off.
send.
with every boring answer i am giving my eyes are glazing over. i am wasting my time on you and you don't even know it. but i know it. and it is going to take a firecracker up my ass before i take notice to your deep, emotional qualities.

i wonder if many other virtually compatible people out there have hopes of landing a "connection" with someone based on some pictures and a few generic personality facts. does that really happen? i know we all hope for it, regardless of how faulty it is.

i do not know what it is about rayban glasses, but i have dated some adorable trendy men who would not ever wear these things. maybe i thought they were gone from society for good. nope. The Athlete wore them. IT Confused was wearing them in all but two pictures.

after three days of not really keeping up with my matches, i was a little startled when IT Confused sent me that creepy message. unfortunately for him, he listed his screenname which also happens to be his full name.

so to the facebooks i go. and sure enough... there is IT Confused. with a different career listed. On the match site he was some type of engineer. Father facebook told me he works at a bank and does mortgages. ha!!

why bother building yourself when a social networking site i can use to stalk you will tell the truth? because you can't lie to father facebook. no, no, no. don't you dare.

sorry IT Confused. you're officially closed.

i'd rather step on your shell neclace with barefeet in the dark.