toilet karma

i am a weird bathroom-phobe.

i can't pee if someone is within earshot.
i flush multiple times at the chance of someone hearing.
i try to save my business for home.

so at work... we all share one tiny bathroom. for the most part, everyone keeps it clean. but sometimes a third party will clog it up and not plunge. sometimes that someone is me (not gonna lie!) and i dont want it to overflow or have the chance of someone hearing my date with the plunger.

karma is a bitch.

last week, after a fun date with Ripped (whom, three dates later, is still in the picture) i came to work hella hungover. mouth was dry. head was pounding. i had to go. like, bad. so i waited till no one was around and it was safe.

i get in and realize that someone has clogged the fucker. i flush and plunge real fast. no cigar. give it a few minutes. try again. dammit my head hurts! why isn't this working??

wait a few minutes for someone else to go in. head is throbbing. no luck.

escape from the office to hit the nearest semi-public restroom. wouldn't you know, burger king bathrooms were out-of-service. fuck. go back to work.

wait and wait and wait. apparently no one had any water today. still nothing.

you know that feeling... when your insides are about to fall out and you have to squeeze your butt checks. it was happening.

i had had it. went it and plunged my little heart out. overflow! i tip-toed out of there so no one could hear my heels.

sit.squeeze.wait.

sit. oh no, is that my stomach making the i have to go to the bathroom sound? wait.

maybe it's a girl thing... i don't know. but is it just me or is anyone else really particular about their bathroom reputation?? i feel like a big weirdo.

how does this story end?
waddled my way to my own bathroom.