drug me

tonight, i'm going a little crazy.

in a fit of boredom, i tore through my bedroom. folded, stacked and hung all of the loose items on my floor and bed. a huge feat, in my world.
then i was overwhelmed by the amount of stacks and rows of hangers.
so i tore through my closet and bagged up a huge pile of stuff i know i will never wear again, sentimenal attachments aside. (sometimes this a problem for me.) i often get dragged into a memory or a time in my life when i was really happy. not that i am not happy now... but you know. nothing quite says happiness like your early twenties.

i wasn't done with the closet. i swept the floor.

with nothing else to sweep i moved on to the living space. swept the floor and picked up all of the stray guinea pig hay. (that shit is horrible and doesnt get picked up off of the floor unless you bend down and pick it up)

wait.. back up...

as i was sweeping my bedroom floor i thought, shit, my lease is going to be up soon and i either have to renew or have a bigger, better plan b.

so i get online and check out some job site. fuck. nothing. nothing. and nothing. first destination: the dream cities. there was one bite that i do not have enough experience for. so i tried detroit. absolutely nothing in the sinking city.

totally pissed off, i went outside in the pooring rain to smoke. i had to relight twice because it was raining so hard. back inside.

get a call from mom.
how was work?
eh, work.
well, at least you have a job. you are lucky. it's been six months for your dad and we are starting to get a little crazy. someone has to bite.
yeah. i know.
no, i don't think you do.
what do you mean?
that you have a job. a steady job, a 401k you are building and health insurance.
yeah, i know, mom.

back outside. still raining. relit only once.

here i am. totally pissed off, but at myself this time. i have a job. friends and family members don't. but still... i can't help feeling super unhappy with the state of my life.